2022 LIFE UPDATE | ENDINGS AND NEW BEGINNINGS

Where have you been, Jessica?

I know I disappeared abruptly; forgive me, will you? Everything happened in a flash to me; I was editing feature interviews for the blog one day, the next day I was writing eulogies for funerals. I went from planning a photoshoot with my podcast partner to deciding how to tell our listeners we couldn’t put out podcast episodes during the holidays. From Frying chin chin for the Christmas celebrations in a hot kitchen to spending Christmas day in absolute grief wearing my mother’s dress as armor against the chill of harmattan. I logged off social media because ”you can’t pour from an empty cup”. Did I renege on my promise of putting out blog posts on the weekends? Leave our podcast listeners waiting on the gist? Yes, but isn’t that the abruptness of life?

So while people were brimming with excitement at the thought of a new year, I was spending my days in bed trying desperately to hold onto the previous year. I was trying to hold on to life as I knew it. I would have said ”Life was happening to me” I hate that phrase: I dislike the idea that anything can stop me from fulfilling my purpose.

I started writing this blog post because a stranger sent me a DM on Instagram concerning my last essay on Bellanaija and said she could relate to my words. She also wanted to know if I was okay? I had been absent from social media for a while. It reminded me to show up in the world because someone might need my words, and it was so sweet to have someone ask how I was doing. This blog post is my response, and thank you.

I am fine: meaning I am healing and not healed from all of the traumas of the last year. My relationships with friends and family are evolving; I’ve had to say a couple of goodbyes and some hello’s, some for the second time – it’s a learning curve.

I thought I was a strong woman; because you can trust Jessica not to lose her head in a crisis, even in a hospital emergency parking lot. I now know that I am strong because I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable with others. It takes a lot of steel to let strangers comfort you, accept to have your meals cooked by friends. The day I chose to put my mental health first after spending two hours staring at a blank screen without typing a word; is one of my strongest. Thank you to everyone who has driven long distances to hug me. People left tons of unread DM’s on social media, kept calling even when I wouldn’t answer the phone; I’m sorry I couldn’t respond to everyone. Thank you for whispering a prayer for me and my family; God bless you.

As for my relationship with God, it is one of Him teaching me how to dance again. We were out of a rhythm for a while because He stamped on my foot last time: it hurt me. It’s one thing to know that God can do miracles and another thing to accept that He chose not to give me the miracle how I wanted it. I am learning to trust him again because the idea of not teaching my niece the dance of life because I got hurt learning to dance is more heartbreaking.

One thing, The Holy Spirit had impressed in my heart before 2022 even began was that it is the end of the old. I have marinated Isaiah 43:19 in my spirit long enough to know rivers happening in a wilderness is a miracle because only a miracle has saved me. It is only by Him leading will I find my way in this desert I am currently navigating. Thankfully, I have a relationship with God where I can write journal entries that are fears, disappointment, anger; even heartbreak without invalidating my salvation.

So if the old is gone, what’s new you might ask? While It is scary to unlearn everything you’ve ever known in the past; it is even scarier to find the courage to continue to unbox the magic you are because you are not always sure what you’ll find in the box. The new in this season is simple: thrive and create an atmosphere for others to do so. I don’t know all the steps to thrive, but I know it involves showing up as the most authentic version of myself in how I live, create and love. I can’t guarantee you’ll agree with everything I do from now on, but more than ever life has reminded me that I must continually live for an audience of one. That is the only way to thrive in your purpose.

I will be sharing new stories this season: there will be new blog posts on Saturdays. I’ll be kicking off the #TwentySeries and #GreenRoom interviews with the most amazing women next Saturday. If you want to hear more unfiltered Stories, the gist and puff puff podcast will be back this Saturday. You can listen to the teaser for the next episode here, please follow us on Instagram and spread the word. To follow me on my journey to thriving: connect with me on social media and sign up for my newsletters – some stories are just for your inboxes.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for reading. I know it’s a bit late but Happy New Year! Leave a comment below and tell me how’s your 2022 going? I really would like to hear from you.

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PPS. Do you know a woman you think I should interview on the blog? Leave her name in the comment section. If there’s any topic you would like to hear I and Adaugo’s take on the podcast, leave your suggestions here.