A NIGERIAN MOTHER ON OVERCOMING POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

It’s hard being a mother. It’s even harder being responsible for another human while battling severe emotional and psychological trauma; that’s what women with Postpartum Depression have to deal with. Unfortunately, new mothers dealing with anger, anxiety, guilt, and mood swings is not uncommon, it’s just a “taboo topic” You’re not supposed to be unhappy after experiencing the “joy” of motherhood but what happens when you are?

Postpartum Depression(PPD) is depression that occurs after childbirth. Mothers report feeling hopeless, irritable, and often find it difficult bonding with their children. It is more severe than Postpartum blues which resolves after a few days of worry, sadness and tiredness unlike Postpartum Depression which can last anywhere from months to a year.

One of my friends after having a baby, told me “why do women lie to each other? They don’t tell us the truth” I decided I wanted to curate authentic stories on motherhood when she shared some of her struggles with me.

I interviewed a Nigerian mother of two children on her fight with Postpartum Depression. She was gracious, sharing her story with me on overcoming Postpartum Depression. Because of the sensitive nature of the topic, I have agreed to keep her anonymous, so let’s call her ‘A’

Reading A’s responses to the questions dipped in vulnerability and strength made me realise the enormous behavorial, psychological and physical changes women go through in order to birth life. That’s why a whole day is set apart to celebrate mothers, after reading this post, you will agree with me that they deserve it!

When was the first time you realised that something was wrong after having your baby?

The first time I realised something was wrong, my baby was about 3 days old. There were different symptoms I was experiencing but it took me a while to understand that I was dealing with Postpartum depression. I couldn’t sleep, I was scared of being left alone because I was afraid something would happen to me or my baby. I was afraid of everyone especially strangers being around me or my baby. I was so ashamed of my body after the changes from pregnancy, and child birth. I felt caged; in my mind I was “stuck” with this baby for life. In fact, I would always look through my window to admire people leaving for work and other activities. I suddenly had the desire not to live anymore.

I know so many women struggle with PostPartum Depression, how did you go about seeking help and overcoming it?

I had heard similar stories about Postpartum Depression. I started making progress when I finally told my mum about everything I was struggling with. She volunteered to start sleeping with me and the baby because of my fear of being alone during the day, and especially at night. Also, returning back to my normal routine helped; going back to work and resuming social functions.

You know what? Time heals, truly.

What’s the worse thing about dealing with Postpartum Depression?

You don’t feel close to those you love. You feel like you are the only person dealing with Postpartum depression; I mean it makes you suicidal.

How did having Postpartum Depression affect your relationship with your child, husband and others?

With my husband, it affected our sex life, I couldn’t stand him seeing me naked. We didn’t make love for about 19months

With my baby, I was fiercely protective, you dare not touch him!

I was suspicious of everyone and everything; coming close to my baby meant you wanted to hurt him, so please stay very far away from him!

How long did your bout with Postpartum depression last?

About 18 months.

What are some myths about Child birth that are wrong?

The truth is experience is the best teacher; forget what people tell you, heed professional advice. Always express your feelings to the right people expecially your doctor.

Were there any indication during your pregnancy that you would suffer Postpartum depression? Did you notice anything unusual before child birth?

No, Never. In fact, I was waiting for my baby to arrive so that I could lavish him with all the love I had in store.

Knowing what you know now, how would you handle the experience differently?

I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself, I would have screamed if i wanted to. I would have tried to be with my loved ones, the people that genuinely cared about me and truly wanted to help me. Also, letting them care for my baby so that I could breathe.

What do you think your family and friends would have done differently to support you?

I wish they knew that I was no longer the same person they had as a friend, sister, wife, and colleague; motherhood changes you. It would have helped them see past my shortcomings, and telling me that they understood even if they didn’t, I needed that. Their support would have helped me be more vulnerable with them about my struggle.

In light of everything you’ve gone through, do you think being a mother is worth it?

Absolutely!

How did the experience change you?

The truth is I am now a different person called a mom. Although, I no longer struggle with Postpartum depression, I now understand what new mothers with Postpartum Depression deal with. I don’t judge or condemn mothers over some irrational behaviour. I try to see beyond that behaviour, and I understand they are going through pains.

What would you say to a mother currently dealing with Postpartum Depression?

Hey sis, you will be fine. Just hang on.

Your baby will be all grown and beautiful. In a few years, you will see a better version of you.

You will look at your body and you will appreciate your scars.

For Mothers Day this year, I wanted to honour the sacrifices monthers make; but most importantly I wanted to give mothers an opportunity to share their stories without filter, and judgement.

If you’re a mother currently experiencing Postpartum Depression, please seek counsel, and be vulnerable with trusted people. You can share this blog post with anyone you know struggling with Postpartum depression. A’s story is proof that you can overcome Postpartum Depression, and find joy again. Happy Mothers Day!

Let me know in the comments what you learned from A’s story.