Diaspora Diaries: Thriving as a Wife and Mum in Germany – A Conversation with Uchechukwu Kelechi Ifesi

There’s a certain level of commitment that’s required for marriage, a required amount of grit that is a part of motherhood. The combination of commitment and grit is a necessary ingredient for flourishing in a foreign country. Thankfully, women like Uchechukwu have both. In this edition of Diaspora Diaries, I have a conversation with Uchechukwu Kelechi Ifesi, a married Nigerian woman living in Germany, raising children and doing it gracefully. I met Uchechukwu through one of her sisters who happens to be a really good friend. When I casually mentioned to that friend the idea for a new series on the blog, she thought her sister Uchechukwu wouldn’t mind a feature and offered to make the introductions. We said a brief hello on a video call, but it was enough for me to encounter Uchechukwus’ warm spirit, her beautiful smile, and her words in person before she sent her responses for the interview. Uchechukwu shares what it’s like to move abroad after marriage, from cultural shocks and language barriers to keeping her faith strong without losing her identity as an African woman raising children in the diaspora while building a new life with a forever partner.

Why did you decide to leave Nigeria?

I moved because I got married, and my husband is based abroad. I needed to move to Germany so we could be together.

What cultural shocks did you face, and how did you adapt?

Some of the biggest cultural shocks I experienced as an immigrant include living in an apartment and not knowing who my neighbours are, let alone interacting with them. It wasn’t easy for me at the beginning, but as time went by, I had to adjust.

Another significant cultural difference I encountered was the contrast between my strong Christian background and the less frequent church services here. Back home, I attended church services or programmes almost every day, but that’s not the case here. Fortunately, online prayers and church services have helped me maintain my relationship with God.

How did you navigate the job market in Germany?

Living in Germany has its challenges, but the system is designed to help you succeed. If you meet the language requirements, you can easily achieve your goals. There are offices that guide you through the process, whether you want to find work or learn a new skill. They’ll even support and sponsor you until you get settled.

For me, staying focused on my goals and my determination to achieve my dreams has helped me. I’m also making an effort to integrate into the system and learn the language. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.

One thing I’ve learned is to ask questions and seek information from the right sources. Don’t be afraid to go directly to the relevant office and ask for guidance. Everyone’s experience is different, so it’s best to get personalised advice.

What were some of the most significant challenges you faced as a migrant trying to adjust to a new life away from home, and how did you overcome them?

The most significant challenge I faced as a migrant is the language—it can be difficult! I am overcoming this challenge through language courses. I also try to communicate in the language as much as possible, even if my sentences aren’t correct. This helps me get corrected and learn in the process.

 

How has moving to a new country as a wife and mum affected your career?

Being a very career-minded individual, it was not an easy decision to make, as I had to put my career on hold for the time being to nurture these beautiful gifts God gave to me. At some point, I felt so depressed about not doing what I love most; I felt like I had lost my identity. I had a lot of mixed feelings about being a stay-at-home mum, but I have a very supportive partner who never stopped believing in me and reassuring me that it’s just a matter of time, and I can always achieve everything later in the future.

I made the decision to be present for my children; every other thing can be successful once I give them the right foundation. I feel better now because I am already on the path to becoming who I have always wanted to be. It takes patience, consistency, staying focused, and not forgetting the God factor to succeed in your career while balancing marriage and motherhood.

How has moving countries affected your faith as a Christian?

I have a very strong foundation back home, and my faith in God has always paved the way for me many times. Sometimes you feel down, but thank God for online prayers and services—they have really uplifted me in challenging times and helped me continue to grow in faith.

Where do you feel most at home currently: your country of origin or adopted country?

Nigeria, of course, my country of origin. No place like home!

How do you define and maintain your identity as an African living in a foreign country?

I try to stay connected to my roots and showcase my culture in different ways. I love my African attire, and the compliments I get most of the time are beautiful. Also, at any hangouts, our African food always represents. Through different African unions, we also display our rich culture and tradition.

What advice would you give to someone moving to a new country? What’s one thing you wish you knew before you left?

I wish I had learned more vocational skills before I moved.

Do you think you’ll ever return to Nigeria or stay abroad full-time?

I still believe Nigeria will get better by God’s grace. Until then, I’ll always visit home any chance I get.

How did your relationships with friends, family and others evolve after moving abroad?

I have the best family and friends; they’re one of the reasons I keep pushing without breaking down. Thank God for WhatsApp calls—just a call makes all the difference. Most times, I don’t even feel they’re not in the same country as me. Distance is never a barrier. Although I have lost a lot of friends because of the distance, it’s all part of evolving.

What’s one thing you’re proud of accomplishing since moving to a new country?

I’m proud of being able to support my family and pursue my career. This isn’t always an easy task in Germany, where you sometimes have to do everything yourself without any help or support from family and friends who live far away.

What’s the best and worst thing about Germany ?

The best thing about this Germany is that it’s so well-organised. Their healthcare system is second to none, and they show great concern for their citizens.

The most challenging thing is the bureaucracy. Germany is known for its strict bureaucracy, which can be frustrating at times. Everything you do here must go through due process, and sometimes the waiting time can be depressing. However, that’s how they maintain their high standards.

What do you miss the most about your Nigeria?

I miss my family and my close friends. I wish I could bring all of them over here!

What do you think is the worst misconception that people have about migrants in a foreign country?

Some people look at migrants as inferior and think they have nothing to offer, either in terms of skills or intellect. This perception can be discouraging.

Knowing what you know now about moving to a different country, would you do it again?

If need be, I would do it again.

I had a conversation with a friend some months back and shared how I thought marriage and motherhood would change the kind of stories I tell. My conversation with Uchechukwu showed me it’s possible to evolve with marriage and motherhood without losing yourself or sacrificing your dreams. I hope this blog post reminds you to anchor your faith in Christ like Uchechukwu as you evolve. God is always your Father, no matter what country you live in. Your faith should always point you back to Him for rest in every season of your life, whether you’re a single woman or a mother! I am excited to see how I evolve and hopefully I’ll have more interesting stories to tell.

The Diaspora Diaries series on Her Green blog features interviews with African women who have relocated to a different country, including those who have returned home from abroad, particularly in light of the “japa” trend in Nigeria.

Japa: A Yoruba word used as a Nigerian slang that means to leave or escape, often used to describe moving abroad for better opportunities.