Love Across Borders: Mada & Larry on navigating Interracial Marriage, Culture & Family

Love knows no borders. For Valentine’s Day this year, we feature a conversation with Mada and Larry, an interracial Irish-Malawian couple and parents to two beautiful boys. Currently living in Ireland, their love story unfolds against this backdrop, blending cultures, family, and a deep-rooted connection that transcends race and nationality. Mada, a blogger and YouTuber, shares her authentic motherhood journey—raising children while documenting marriage and family life—on TikTok and Instagram. I first connected with Mada through her sister Tao. Listening to this interview while putting together this blog post, I learned and laughed a lot, thanks to Larry’s witty responses. It was beautiful to feel their love through their answers—grounded in friendship and commitment—even during challenging seasons, such as the premature birth of their first son, Christian. Through their journey, I hope this serves as a reminder that love isn’t bound by geographical locations, cultures, or skin tones—it’s found in the connections we nurture and the commitment we choose every day.

What made you realise this person was the best person to make a lifelong commitment of marriage to?

Mada: I’ve always said I wouldn’t be in a relationship for three years without it leading somewhere. That was my strict standard. So, for me, it was very early on – in the early stages. I already knew that there had to be a future. It was the little things, like when Larry took me to meet his parents or when we started talking about the future. That’s when I started seeing the future. And that was it for me.

Larry: I knew Mada was the one because I had been in a couple of relationships before, but I never really felt much from them. But when I met Mada, it was different. There was something very different about her. I just wanted to spend all my time with Mada; I was so comfortable around her. I knew she was my soulmate because I could be myself around her, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Mada. I could be my true self – how everyone is when they’re alone, behind closed doors. I could sing, dance, and I wasn’t shy to share my interests or hobbies with Mada.

Were there any cultural differences or surprises that stood out when you first started dating?

Larry: When I first met Mada, I was waiting at the coffee place. Traditionally, she was late. Then this beautiful black girl came walking around the corner with hair for days – this big, beautiful, curly head of hair. We had our date, and after a few more dates, she still had the same hair. But then Mada got comfortable and whipped off her wig to reveal cornrows. I wasn’t prepared for that! I knew black girls had different hair routines, but I didn’t realise Mada was wearing a wig until she did that.

How did your family react to your relationship? Did you face any cultural or societal challenges ?

Larry: There weren’t really any challenges with our families; our families were okay with us being together.

Mada: Larry has a way with words and knows how to say the right things. So, naturally, I think everyone in my family liked him. 

I guess, for me, it was a bigger adjustment than for Larry, because in the town where we live, there aren’t many black people. So, at first, I noticed small things, like people staring when we moved here. Of course, now they’re used to me; they know who I am. But in the beginning, I think seeing me with Larry caught some people off guard. They never said anything bad, but I don’t think they quite expected us to be together.

How did you manage cultural differences early in your relationship, and how have you learned to appreciate and respect each other’s backgrounds, including differences in language and traditions?

Larry: We had a similar upbringing. Mada was raised in East London, and I’m from Essex, just 20 minutes away. The only difference was Mada’s Malawian culture and heritage, but I’m very open-minded. I tried Malawian food and even made an effort to pick up a bit of the language. There was no real issue.

Mada: I speak a lot of Chichewa. I eat a lot of Malawian food. I cook nsima, and those are the cultural things I see in our relationship. Larry has always been very open to trying Malawian food, eating with his hands instead of using a knife and fork. My mum and sister have bought my husband African clothes, which he has been really open to wearing. And, as for the language, I’m really proud of Larry. He learned some Chichewa. He was really trying when we first started dating. He even impressed my family with how much of the language he picked up. Now, he speaks a word or two here and there.

Have you experienced societal stereotypes or prejudices as an interracial couple? How do you address them as a team?

Larry: I don’t think we’ve had any. If we have, I haven’t noticed. I’m oblivious to it, really.

Mada: I believe some people blame everything on race, and I try my best not to do that; I try to think logically. I’ve definitely been in situations where I felt that way, with people not respecting our relationship due to their own racial biases.

The truth is, even when there are cultural differences, Larry and I literally don’t see them. There may be people who talk behind our backs, like, “Have you seen that couple?” or form opinions. But we don’t realise it because we just take each other for who we are. It’s only when we respond to interview questions like these that we think, “Oh, I’m married to someone who’s white,” or “My children aren’t the same colour as me, but they’re not white either.” But these things don’t cross our minds in day-to-day life. When you love someone, love them for who they are. Don’t let anything pull you back. Don’t think to yourself, “Oh, I’m this colour or that culture.” If you like someone, you like them for who they are, and that love will grow, by the grace of God.

Language and food play such a big role in cultural identity. How have you combined Irish and Malawian cuisines at home? How do you teach your children to embrace both Irish and Malawian heritages?

Mada and Larry: The children are learning both languages, and they also speak the language as best as they can. It’s pretty impressive. We hope to teach them more.

Larry: They eat Malawian food. Mada cooks a lot of Malawian food. A lot of the time, we’ll have nsima, fish, chicken, and veg. It’s lovely. I would recommend people try it. Even if you’re not from Malawi, just give Malawian cuisine a try – it’s very nice. But we do mix it up. We’ll have Irish food or British or European food alongside it.

Mada: An example of a fusion dish incorporating both cultures for us at home is the way the Irish make Guinness stew, but I wouldn’t make it as Guinness stew. I would cook beef, but fry it in a Malawian way. And even though you have it with rice, that’s an Irish dish combined with African fusion.

How do you handle questions or comments about your child’s mixed-race identity, especially regarding physical features?

Mada and Larry: The other day, our children were in bed, and they said, “Dad, I want to be pink like you.” They often touch and stroke my hair, clearly fascinated by its difference. My hair is straight, unlike theirs, and also a different colour. Their hair textures are very different—one boy has straighter hair, while the other has more Afro-like hair. I think they both envy each other’s hair in their own way. They don’t say anything, but I can tell it’s different to them. That’s why they keep touching it.

One day, they came back from the crèche and asked Mum, “Why are you brown?” Over time, their questions changed, and now they understand the difference between brown and black.

I sense that people are curious but hesitant to ask questions about the boys, fearing they might cause offence. Instead, they skirt around the issue, offering compliments or admiring the boys without asking questions or making comments. I believe people avoid asking about their appearance because they don’t want to offend us.

What advice would you give to other interracial couples dating or married?

Larry: I think being very open is important—both ways. For example, I’ve tried Nigerian food, which isn’t Malawian, but I’ve tried it. I think it’s essential to try things and be clear about how you feel. If you like something, express that. If you don’t, say so. Just be honest.

Take your time to get to know each other. Don’t rush into anything. Relationships can be tough to navigate in the early stages, and when you throw cultural differences into the mix, it adds another level of complexity. But take your time, learn from each other, and be open. If it’s meant to be, it’ll flourish.

Mada: I would say the same as Larry—being open is key. There are things you won’t like about the other person’s culture, but you have to be patient and tolerant. Also, my advice would be not to listen to every piece of advice, even from well-meaning friends. If all your friends are Black and one of the Black girls doesn’t like white guys, and they see you with a white guy, their opinion shouldn’t affect how you feel about a potential partner. You should still give him a chance, just because it’s something different. Don’t let anyone bring you down!

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Larry: Since having children, celebrating Valentine’s Day has been quite challenging. Before kids, we definitely celebrated it, as everyone would—with a fancy dinner or maybe a cinema date. We were still young as a couple, just enjoying each other. But after that, we had children, and then COVID happened as well. So we celebrate differently now. We just stay at home. The kids go to bed, and I cook dinner on Valentine’s Day.

Mada: On Valentine’s Day, my husband cooks. I get him chocolate. In the past, Larry would always get me a card and flowers, but I’m not a fan of cards or flowers. I think the sweetest thing we do on Valentine’s Day, since the boys were born, is this tradition my husband started, where he writes “Happy Valentine’s Day” from himself and our children. Before the boys could really write, he’d write their names. And now, they sign the Valentine’s Day card. I think that’s really sweet.

Have you ever felt like your cultural identity was misunderstood? How did you handle those moments?

Larry: I don’t know if it’s cultural or more individual, but I feel like my family is very much the same. We’re very reserved, we wouldn’t be very quick to show emotion. Mada is the opposite. She’s always in communication with her family, her mum, and siblings. But for me, I don’t love them any less—it’s just that I don’t communicate often; I’m not as open as she is.

That may be something that could be misunderstood—people might think I don’t care. I don’t necessarily text my own family often, but if I’m not texting Mada’s family or not communicating, then they might think, “Oh, he doesn’t like me,” which isn’t the truth. I just don’t really vibe with that. I don’t understand how Mada and her culture are so open, outgoing, and forward with everything, but I believe we balance each other out.

Mada: I struggled with that so much. I’ve come to understand, after all these years, that that’s how he operates, how his family works, and I guess that’s part of his culture, coming from where he’s from. Just because I understand it doesn’t mean I agree with it. But at the same time, you just have to accept people for who they are. Because we’re together, we just have to be understanding of each other and our differences.

Reflecting on your journey, what have been the most rewarding parts of your relationship and family life?

Mada and Larry: Our children, our two boys. I suppose every parent would say the same thing—the most important thing in their lives—and it’s true. We wouldn’t have them without each other as well.

The biggest thing that God has done, apart from bringing us together and giving us our beautiful children, is our son Christian, who was born prematurely. He was born at 31 weeks, a tiny little baby. So, all children are a gift from God, but the fact that he was born early—he’s a miracle. The circumstances surrounding his birth and everything about him—to me, that’s the biggest and most rewarding part of this relationship and family life. Cristian has grown up to be very funny, very handsome, and very smart. The doctors were a bit concerned in the beginning. They said he might not be like everyone else, he might be a bit slow, but praise God, he’s perfect! He’s even ahead of everyone around him.

What are your top tips for families and friends who want to support interracial couples and mixed-race families better?

Larry: Be curious, be open, and be honest. Be more open and curious about cultures that aren’t your own. For example, if one of our boys were to get into a relationship or marry someone from another culture—say, Indian or Brazilian—I would be curious. You may not express that curiosity outright, but I think it’s important to show an interest.

Mada: I think when it comes to supporting interracial couples, your relationship is your own, between you and your spouse. But when it comes to things like marriage and family, you can’t ignore other factors, like your in-laws.

As important as having a good relationship with your in-laws is, I know that sometimes, that might not be possible. The unique thing about interracial couples is that even if you don’t get along with your in-laws, you don’t want the person to feel like the only reason you’re not giving them a chance or you don’t get along with them is because of the colour of their skin.

Before introducing the person, you should make them feel human first—then focus on their character. If you think the person isn’t good enough for your child, that’s a separate issue, but try not to let skin colour factor into that. Having a good relationship with everyone around you—the wider family—is key. If they’re all on the same side with you, your relationship will be much happier.

 

As the child of a Nigerian inter-tribal couple, I have always believed that love isn’t just about shared similarities; it also exists in found connections, shared values, and a deep-rooted bond that defies cultural stereotypes and societal prejudices. Mada and Larry’s story reaffirms that love is not just about shared backgrounds—it’s about shared dreams, mutual respect, and the ability to see beyond what the world defines as differences, including tribe, race, and language.

Perhaps Larry puts it best when he says:

“None of this really matters when it comes to the person you love. On Valentine’s Day, people should celebrate each other, ignore cultural differences, language barriers, and skin colour. You are celebrating the person you love. So, although we sometimes get hung up on cultural differences or clashes, it’s important to see past those. And that goes for not just relationships but for people in society in general. Don’t be sucked in or consumed by issues and stereotypes—just truly appreciate a person for who they are. Case in point: when I look at Mada, I don’t see a Black woman. I don’t see a Malawian woman. I don’t see any of that. I just see Mada for who she is. She’s a beautiful person, her personality is amazing, and when you find love, it’s easy to see that. Try not to focus on the differences and just really appreciate what brought you together in the first place: love.”

If you loved their story, check out Mada’s blog, Mada’s Memoir, and follow her on social media:

Instagram: @the_cantwellfamily  @madasmemoir

TikTok: @madathesinger

YouTube: @madathesinger

 

Nsima – a staple food in Malawi. It’s made from cornmeal or maize flour, cooked into a thick porridge. 

Chichewa – a language spoken primarily in Malawi, where it is an official language, as well as in parts of Zambia, Mozambique, and Zimbabwe.